Not too long ago, I was talking to a fairly good friend of mine about women. Myself being interested in how a male friend saw me, I asked him if he thought I was pretty. This was a very platonic relationship as I was engaged at the time (now married), so I figured it was safe ground with no risk of getting hurt. This part of the conversation went as follows:

“So, would you say I’m attractive?
“Yeah… you are a unique pretty, a different kind of pretty.”

Being called ‘a different kind of pretty’ actually hurt my feelings. My looks are fairly typical of the ‘girl next door’, with a few exceptions. I have dark strawberry blonde hair (when it’s not dyed something else), very fair skin, and green/blue eyes. I’m thin and about 5’ 4” on a good day. My really fair skin works against me sometimes, I turn bright red when I work out and I am the only person I know that can get sunburnt in Fall or Winter. I have tattoos and piercings, and I’m a very wacky person.

Growing up my mom wanted me to be the cheerleader, my dad wanted me to be valedictorian. I wanted to survive high school and have my boyfriend NOT move to Louisiana (which he did – thank god, I met my now husband because of that).

Being ‘a different kind of pretty’ was unnerving to me. What was my male friend trying to say? That if he saw me on the street he wouldn’t think twice? That I had a weird body type that was disfigured in some way? Was it my personality that influenced his decision to think of me this way? Does ‘different’ still count as attractive and desired? I had a lot of questions about this characterization that I felt really couldn’t be answered.

I told my partner about what my friend had said.
“What does he mean by different? That’s stupid!”

I have to give him props, my husband knows me all too well. He knew that the comment had hit my self-esteem, which is about average (sometimes it’s really good, sometimes it’s really bad).

Ever since my friend made that comment, I have ruminated on what he could possibly have meant, and came to a conclusion that I think only I could have come to, in my own time. It was a learning process for me to be able to teach myself my own definition of ‘a different kind of pretty’.

I am a different kind of pretty, but I don’t aggressively go against the norms of beauty. I work out, but I have a nice round ass. I wear makeup occasionally, but not much and usually only mascara. I don’t tan, and my super-pale skin occasionally makes me uncomfortable, but not as much as it makes others uncomfortable, or as uncomfortable as skin cancer would be. I let people know when I am feeling vulnerable, because I am emotional and that’s just me. I am a different kind of pretty because one of my dreams is to have tattooed sleeves; I have always found them to be so beautiful.

Mostly, I am a different kind of pretty because I don’t fit into any one stereotype. I listen to metal and have tattoos, but my guilty pleasures are Ke$ha and Brittney Spears. I have (currently) natural blonde hair and tattoos and piercings. I am short and thin and uncomfortable with my body. I adore sports, football and basketball in particular, but wasn’t a jock in high school and hated dance class with a passion. I am very artistic, but in college to be a scientist. I can hang sheetrock and solder a pipe, I have 2 guns, and I can catch any chicken anywhere, barefoot. I wear cowboy boots occasionally, but I’m not a redneck. I am the most liberal, well rounded, (probably) nicest person you will ever meet. I give money to the hobo on my street corner for goodness sake.

Just accept that you are a different kind of pretty. Accept and love it, along with every single insecurity, strength, weakness, and ability that you have. You are the only you!